The perfect Christmas?
James asked a trivial question tonight that went as follows: "What are your usual Christmas traditions, and what would be your ideal Christmas tradition?". Most people stated what their typical yearly Christmas eve and Christmas day was like, and the things that they do, and most decided to keep it (relatively) the same, as I did also. The thought that there could possibly be something better was a new one. I knew that other people did different things, but better? I don't think so. So it got me thinking about what the all-time greatest Christmas morning/day would be. I came up with this.
After falling asleep in your bed on Christmas Eve, you would wake up with the roar of four giant turbofan engines and air blowing by at 180mph in the back of a C-130 with the rear ramp open to the air and a guy in a helmet yelling at the top of his lungs "GO GO GO!!!". You jump up, run for the ramp, and dive out head first. You spread out your arms and legs and fly with your webbed aero suit. Then flaming meteors start flying down all over the place, and you dodge them while falling at 350mph. You crash into a whale and manatee show at seaworld and make the whales explode, coating the 10,000 onlookers with whale entrails. The whole crowd and an army of environmentalists chase after you with pitchforks and sticks. You jump into a monster truck and drive through the city over everyone's cars with the mad horde in pursuit. Then one of the meteors smashes a building down right in front of you. You drive on top of it and yell a massive battle cry through the giant megaphone strapped to the top of your truck. Then a giant tanker ship crashes on the shore and spills 50,000 tons of oil all over the city. Someone's cell phone rings. The whole city goes up in monster sized flames. Then some guy's 10,000 square foot weed nursery goes up in flames and everyone gets high. The whole world is shifting rainbow colors. You join a horde of pirates who are ransacking the city, and run around, spitting in little kids faces. Suddenly, a giant earthquake happens and a huge pit emerges in the middle of the city. A giant superdome rises up from the middle with Elvis, The Beatles, Queen, U2, Five Iron Frenzy, Jimi Hendrix, and Mozart on the stage, all rocking out with a huge fog machine and a giant laser show with lasers so powerful that they cut the moon in half. Then Russia goes totally communist and shoots nuclear weapons all over the city. Everything has an eery glow to it, even without the weed. Suddenly, Santa comes flying through the laser show on a supercharged sleigh and rocks an insane guitar solo on stage. Then he shoots presents out to the whole crowd with a huge gift cannon.
Merry Christmas.
EDIT: Of course, since Santa is indeed not real, that makes this whole thing totaly ridiculous.
After falling asleep in your bed on Christmas Eve, you would wake up with the roar of four giant turbofan engines and air blowing by at 180mph in the back of a C-130 with the rear ramp open to the air and a guy in a helmet yelling at the top of his lungs "GO GO GO!!!". You jump up, run for the ramp, and dive out head first. You spread out your arms and legs and fly with your webbed aero suit. Then flaming meteors start flying down all over the place, and you dodge them while falling at 350mph. You crash into a whale and manatee show at seaworld and make the whales explode, coating the 10,000 onlookers with whale entrails. The whole crowd and an army of environmentalists chase after you with pitchforks and sticks. You jump into a monster truck and drive through the city over everyone's cars with the mad horde in pursuit. Then one of the meteors smashes a building down right in front of you. You drive on top of it and yell a massive battle cry through the giant megaphone strapped to the top of your truck. Then a giant tanker ship crashes on the shore and spills 50,000 tons of oil all over the city. Someone's cell phone rings. The whole city goes up in monster sized flames. Then some guy's 10,000 square foot weed nursery goes up in flames and everyone gets high. The whole world is shifting rainbow colors. You join a horde of pirates who are ransacking the city, and run around, spitting in little kids faces. Suddenly, a giant earthquake happens and a huge pit emerges in the middle of the city. A giant superdome rises up from the middle with Elvis, The Beatles, Queen, U2, Five Iron Frenzy, Jimi Hendrix, and Mozart on the stage, all rocking out with a huge fog machine and a giant laser show with lasers so powerful that they cut the moon in half. Then Russia goes totally communist and shoots nuclear weapons all over the city. Everything has an eery glow to it, even without the weed. Suddenly, Santa comes flying through the laser show on a supercharged sleigh and rocks an insane guitar solo on stage. Then he shoots presents out to the whole crowd with a huge gift cannon.
Merry Christmas.
EDIT: Of course, since Santa is indeed not real, that makes this whole thing totaly ridiculous.
posted by Cyphoid at 5:59 PM
5 Comments:
Someone's cell phone rings. The whole city goes up in monster sized flames. Then some guy's 10,000 square foot weed nursery goes up in flames and everyone gets high. The whole world is shifting rainbow colors.
^----- This gets funniest post of the year award.
I like it.
Drewy, this probably really possibly could be the funniest thing you've written thus far.
Oh boy, another one of Drewy's crazy fantacies. Well, at least this one was funny.
Falling through the sky at 350mph? This, along with Santa, also makes this post somewhat unrealistic, as the approximate terminal velocity of a human is just around 200mph. Funny, nonetheless.
I knew that, Sven, but something about 200 miles per hour just didn't do it for me.
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